![]() ![]() Overall a really wonderful piece of poetry and one I enjoyed reading! Well done. I want to add "in" in this line, "a tempest tethered (IN) endless hours" and if you don't want to add an "in" there does seem to be a natural break in that spot for my ear.Īlso a comma after this line: "for splendor by His love creating" There needs to be a comma at the end of this line: "With passion's pulse I paint the towers" I know I am likely missing some type of poetic form, so please forgive me. Lines 2-3 are beautiful to me, L4 four is almost beautiful except for the fact that I want to drop "troubled" to fit in the meter of the poem. I am going to comment from an amateurs ear and rhyme and meter and just give my honest feedback. Perhaps you hear a missing sound because of the word "hours", which seems, or could read as one sound, is really two sounds.Ī worthy effort in critique George, with my thanks again. If I didn't mention the CAPs indicate where the stresses/meter are. Here again I believe I have tetrameter meter. I do know that a comma is rarely necessary before "and". I really should reacquaint myself in comma theory, lol. I have a tendency to avoid commas trying not to interrupt flow unless absolutely necessary, It is possible that the reading of this line is not smooth, in order with all the tetrameter meter, I'm not sure where George, so I will hope to have some more input on this line. If I removed Troubled I would be missing one meter. ![]() I analyze L4, in tetrameter meter like this, Where PIG ment TAINTS my TROUB led FACE (the caps being the stressed syllables. LorettaYoung - Thank you very much George for your kind comments and your efforts with analysis. I really don't see how the poem could be improved. I was a little disappointed that subsequent stanzas didn't follow the same pattern, but that's just my OCD acting up again. S1's repetition of L2 as a refrain in L8 is effective. It's an intriguing rhyme scheme - a form of your own devising? ABABCCCB, with feminine rhymes on the A and C lines that enrich the reading with enough variety to relieve the singsonginess of straight iambic tetrameter all the way. (Aversion to Heston's politics aside, he was a powerful actor.) ("When will you make an end?") I was too immature to fully appreciate the depth of his gift in the 60s, so will have to find the movie streaming somewhere so I can watch with fresh eyes. The movie also succeeded in leaving me in lingering awe of Michelangelo's inescapable compulsion "to paint the vision or die". In skillfully distilled lines, you've caught the essence of that endless tug-of-war between conflicting emotions that an artist (or poet) simply cannot walk away from. Meter Maid - A classic piece, Loretta - well done! I didn't get in on the discussion when you ran it by the WSD reading list a couple of years ago, so I'm glad you brought it back. ![]()
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